let.it.go week 3 blog topics

**This post relates to an online Bible study I'm working on based on the book, Let.It.Go. by Karen Ehman. You can find out more about this incredible study HERE. 

DOMESTIC DIVA

Proverbs 31:27

She watches over the activities of her household (HCSB)

She looks well to how things go in her household (AMP)

She watches carefully everything in her household (NLT)

She looks well to the ways of her household (ESV)

Several thoughts from our video clips this week got me thinking….

”….there is futility in thinking all must be done MY WAY.”

“She sees different as wrong.”

“Pent up anger is sometimes the cause.”

“We over control in order to pursue the appearance of perfection.”

As I walked through this week with these chapter mulling over in my mind contrasted and held up against the passage from Proverbs 31:27. I realized just how much control issues in the home are connected to and a by product of my tongue. Ouch. I appreciated how Karen Ehman had us back up and consider verse 26.

Proverbs 31:26

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (ESV)

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. (NLT)

She opens her mouth in skillful and godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness (giving counsel and instruction). (AMP)

I agree with Karen…God placed these two verses right next to each other so we don’t miss the connection and the “key” to being able to maintain our households and faithfully watch over them in a way that is glorifying to Him, ennobling to our husbands, and encouraging to our children. I’ve been carrying a note card in my jacket pocket this week and each time my hand touches it I’m reminded of this verse that has convicted and humbled me this week:

Proverbs 15:1

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (ESV)

Father, as I watch over the affairs of my household, keep my tongue still until I can respond in kindness and with wisdom.

TIN-POT PAMPERS

p. 85 – micromanager: someone who wants to control every part of a business or system in a way that is not necessary or useful

p. 91 – ask myself this: “Is this really a neutral issue, and I’m just trying to control my child and get my own way? Am I hurting my child because of my own needs?”

p. 93 – Better a mom’s bleeding tongue than a son’s battered heart.

p. 95 – questions that will empower us to maintain calm emotions and keep a healthy perspective:

• 
Does it matter now?

• Will it matter tomorrow?

• Will it affect eternity?
• 
Is God trying to teach ME something? If so, what?

• Can I pause and praise instead of interrupt and instigate?
• 
Is there really an issue here that needs addressing with my child?

• Am I just being a control freak, and do I need to let it go?

Oh, I wish I hadn’t had a day like one I had last weekend…..I could feel the tension mounting knowing we had one afternoon to gather the rest of the supplies we needed for our ski trip next week….I was stressed and feeling unsettled about the long list of to do’s I had before we leave. After we got home, I had a pit in my stomach about how I had spoken to and treated my whole family. I even got mad at my oldest for not unloading our items onto the check out counter as quickly and as orderly as I would have preferred. The questions above really just convicted me so much….half of what I get a “bee in my bonnet” about has NO ETERNAL VALUE. My way is not always best and it’s okay for my family to do things differently. Oh, I need to humble myself.  Thank you Lord that today is a new today. After asking for forgiveness from my family for being so harsh yesterday….today I am seeking to respond with soft answers rather than harsh words.

HAMPERING HOME

The areas where I indicated being overly opinionated in regards to our daughters are friends, schooling, and screen time. As a homeschooling mom, all choices regarding education are left up to my husband and I. It is very easy to slip into a mode of checking off boxes and assignments rather than going after our daughters’ hearts. I am a “box checker” by nature and need to welcome the interruptions, derailments, and delays that come instead of being a “chalkboard dictator” during our school time.

There are also several influences around us in our neighborhood that are not healthy for our girls so it is a constant struggle to maintain a home where I welcome children to come play while keeping boundaries with others. Screen time is also huge for our family. Several years ago we got rid of our cable/satellite TV. We use rabbit ears during football season to watch our favorite team….but we are very rigid when it comes to screen time…and not only the time but what the content is as well.

Haggai 1:7-11
 This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored,” says the LORD. “You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?” declares the LORD Almighty, “Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house. Therefore, because of you the heavens have withheld their dew and the earth its crops. I called for a drought on the fields and the mountains, on the grain, the new wine, the oil and whatever the ground produces, on men and cattle, and on the labor of your hands.”

I found this verse doing a search on the word - expectations….many of these trigger areas for me: friends, school and screen time involve expectations I’ve set for my daughters….but what these verses from Haggai remind me is that my priority needs to be God first in ALL things. A note from my NIV Study Bible says: Because the people had not given God first place in their lives, their work was not fruitful or productive, and their material possessions did not satisfy. While men concentrated on building and beautifying their own homes, God’s blessing was withheld because they no longer put Him first place.

Oh, I am so guilty of thinking my way is best and my priority list is in order….Father forgive me to not seeking you in all things. Only through putting you first and seeking Your will for all of these expectations for my family will we be fruitful and productive as a family. It’s all about your expectations Father…not mine.

PUT YOUR HANDS UP!

Walking way from these chapters this week and into the rest of our lives I hope to remember:

The challenge to spread kindness in my family.

To realize the power of harsh words.

To give counsel more than criticism.

To welcome the interruptions and delays to MY schedule.

To absorb that different doesn’t mean wrong.

To keep a healthy perspective by evaluating a circumstance in terms of its eternal value.

To be quick to ask for forgiveness when I blow it.

To surrender it all to my Heavenly Father who’s plans will prevail and who’s mercy is great to those who seek Him , obey Him, and follow Him.

introverted homeschooling

i came across an article today on Simple Homeschool which resonated with me that discussed being an "introverted" mom and the logistics of homeschooling with that type of personality....

check it out here: homeschooling as an introvert: the blessings and challenges

reading the article got me thinking about that myers-briggs test we all took in school - in college my results showed i was an ESFJ.....i took the test again and tested as an ISTJ!

click here to find out more about an ISTJ if you are interested and then take the test yourself!

leave a comment....i'd love to hear what you are too!!

let.it.go. week 2 blog topics

**these blog topics relate to an online bible study based on a book titled Let.It.Go. by Karen Ehman. 

Find out more about the study HERE.

PREVAIL

Proverbs 19:21

Many plans are in a man’s heart, but the LORD’s decree will prevail. (HCSB)

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand. (ESV)

We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God’s purpose prevails. (MSG)

Oh how this verse resonates this week as we received the news that we were not selected by an expectant mother in our adoption journey. News like this tends to hit hard after we’ve gotten a nursery ready, been in the pool of waiting families for several months, are still healing from a failed placement in October, and everyday fighting to remain joyful in the waiting.

My plans always seem to be the most expedient, most carefully organized, and highly coordinated. Give me a task and I’m on it….I’ll usually get it done quickly and perhaps even a bit early….and I’ll proof it twice for errors! But oh how different this adoption waiting process is….there is nothing to do but to wait. A dear friend, reminded me today that through this journey God is working on me and refining me….the gift of a placement of a baby at the end of the journey is just an added blessing and joy. This process is about HIM. HIS plans. HIS will. HIS providence. HIS glory. HIS fame.

Oh Father. Forgive my selfishness and desire to control. Thank you for knowing what is best for our family. Thank you for smoothing away my rough edges….some rougher than others! Keep my eyes on you, Jesus, in all things. To YOU be the glory!!!

LET GO GIRL!

“When we willingly accept our lot in life, welcoming all that God is trying to teach us through it, we lose the drive to over control, to micromanage in an all-out attempt to appear perfect and ensure everything is “just so.” pg. 54 Let.It.Go.

Father, thank you so much for this study about learning how to stop running the show and start walking in faith. God you are faithful and trustworthy. You are above all things and have my best interest in mind. Your ways are not my ways and your thoughts are higher than mine. You are patient and loving even when I don’t deserve it. You are merciful and gracious when I continue to mess up and get ahead of your plans. Thank you Father for not giving up on me. Thank you for the precious gift of your Son who is the only way I can come to you. Thank you that His righteousness covers my filthy rags. Father, forgive me for all the ways I over control. Father, forgive my tendency to talk over my husband or not hear him out. Forgive my tendency to become a martyr around the house and think I have to do everything myself if its going to be done the “right” way. Forgive me for trying to bull doze conversations so that I can get my own way. Father, I am so in need of your direction. Rid me of myself so that I can follow you with abandon. Thank you for being in control when I feel so out of control. Praise be to you now and forevermore. Amen.

STAND BY YOUR MAN

5 Biblical “dance” steps for allowing your husband to lead:

1.    Realize that the act of submitting is always a choice by and an action of the wife. A choice – meaning I have to make a deliberate decision to adapt – this is my job to adapt to him not the other way around – because it is a choice is makes it powerful and intentional in my marriage

2.  Know that backing off and not controlling your husband will feel very foreign. Um, yes. But oh what freedom will come if I can step back when my tendency is to jump in and just be quiet when everything in me wants to speak up or contradict. There is peace though, in realizing it will feel different and different in this case is good!!

3.  Recognize the subtle difference between manipulation and influence. This one I am going to spend more time on – just thinking over areas where I tend to manipulate rather than influence – to keep in mind – from the book Finding the Hero in Your Husband – “Wives are called to use their influence to help their husbands – not to manipulate. The spirit of influence is to help him make a good decision based on giving him more information. The motive of manipulation is to limit a person’s choice by “stacking the deck” unfairly. Influence is overt and clear. However, manipulation can be subtle and deceptive.” – planning to spend some time here looking up Scripture about these issues

4.  Find the unique “dance” steps that work for your marriage. “God wants “me” and “my spouse” to hammer out the particulars that make “our” marriage a uniquely “ours” display of glory. pg. 77 Let.It.Go. – this will look different for each marriage so no marriage is the same, but all should be reflecting His glory!

5.  Recognize when you need “dance” steps from a pro. I appreciate that Karen brings up the point that sometimes you do need someone else to come alongside and help you navigate a particular road…..family, community groups, trusted, Godly friends, pastors, counselors are all great resources –let’s remember though that our Father God, His Son Jesus and the Holy Spirit are our Great Counselor and the only Ones who can do “heart surgery” on us so that our marriages can be restored and redeemed!!

february birchbox

february birchbox review:

beauty protector (red bottle) protect and detangle ($21.95)

great for all hair types this spray performs seven hair-healing functions such as locking in color, adding shine, and instantly detangling

i did not test this one as my hair is so short and i really don't need a product like this, however, my girlies tested it on their locks. claire loved the way it smells but didn't really think it worked too well to detangle...she also thought, and I agree that it left her hair stiff...maybe she sprayed too much...

we give it a C+/B-

jouer matte moisture tint ($38)

SPF 15 oil free tinted moisturizer that blends in perfectly to even out skin and control shine - tested in nude tint

one thing that testing out these products has made me realize is the importance of priming my skin before make up...i wasn't so sure initially about a tinted product, but i really liked it. it smoothes out my skin tone and is a perfect primer for make up. a little goes a long way....

i give this an A and will probably pick some up from birchbox

kiehl's powerful wrinkle reducing cream ($52)

anti-aging treatment with moisturizer - has calcium and copper to restore elasticity and reduce wrinkles..i'm all about reducing wrinkles but just wasn't wild about this product - i like the idea but don't think i'd replace what i'm using now to switch to this

i'd give it a B-

oscar de la renta live in love perfume ($78)

um no. again i'm just not a perfume girl and really don't care for this sandalwood and cedar based scent...

big fat D- on this one

summary:

beauty protector protect and detangle  C+/B-

jouer matte moisture tint   A

kiehl's powerful wrinkle reducing cream   B-

oscar de la renta live in love perfume   D-

ready....aim!!

a few pictures and videos from the girls' first archery class last week! so fun!!!!!

let.it.go. week 1 blog topics

WHAT-EVER!

Colossians 3:23-25

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for his wrong, and there is no favoritism. (NIV)

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. (ESV)

And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work. (The Message)

When thinking on this week’s reflection verse from the Let.It.Go OBS, I just had to include verses 24 and 25 along with verse 23. You see, I’m one who is willing to work hard, work hard with all of my heart, and work for the Lord but I need to claim the promise too! The promise comes in the next verse which you may miss if you don’t keep reading! The promise is that if we know the Lord then we know that working for Him and His glory brings us an inheritance as a reward! Praise! Doesn’t it just feel so wonderful to think of an inheritance? The security of our eternal life with Him which cannot be taken away and is bestowed on us by our Heavenly Father! My NIV Study Bible reminds me that when I can view even the most mundane chores, tasks, and errands as working for the Lord then it takes the boredom out of the task and makes it an act of worship and service to our Lord! This is hard for me to remember when I literally cannot get into my laundry room for the piles on the floor, am following a puppy around trying to keep her from having another accident, explaining for the one millionth time where my girls need to put their shoes and jackets when they come in from outside…anybody else feel this? Oh, that I would view all that I do as an act of worship and service to my Lord and Savior rather than drudgery. Surely this is the only and right response to offer to the One who saved me from my destruction, set my feet upon a rock, gave me a new direction and filled me with a song!

Lord, thank you for this study and for your gentleness in correcting me. Forgive my bad attitude. Help me to do all with a happy heart for your glory!!

WIReD – Chapter 1

Welcome to controllers anonymous! My name is Kendall and I have a tendency (ahem…) a problem with control. If you took the quiz then you’ll understand when I report my big fat 43!!!!!!! I even went to my sweet hubs after and said, really??…am I that hard to live with?!?! He laughed and was very gracious, but it’s sad when you realize: I’m not even sure I’d like to live with myself sometimes….truly humbling.

Case in point from the quiz: I would honestly say that in my personal relationships, I try to get people to understand, and then agree with, my point of view. Yep.

I’m told that I’m pushy, bossy, or controlling. Affirmative.

This one really convicted me….I use words carefully to sway other’s opinions and conclusions. Yikes.

Let’s be truthful. I like to get my own way. Guilty.

And yes…then I was categorized as a control freak!

I loved what Karen says on p. 22-23. Controlling is tiring. So is keeping up a good front. I want to feel indispensable to my family. I want to get my own way. But what these feelings mean is that I really don’t trust in God. Believe in God? Yes! But trust in Him? Not so much…

I kept reading p. 22….We may even read on the pages of our Bibles about men and women who trusted him with amazing results. But we doubt he’ll really repeat this in our suburban, modern everyday lives. We intellectually believe he does what is best for the world in general, but practically we behave as if in our individual situations, we still know what is best. Our lips say we trust him, but our actions say the opposite.

And Karen sums it up nicely where the rubber meets the road for me: p. 14 – The problem lies with our failure to know where to draw the line, to differentiate between leading and bossing, to know the difference between simply taking charge and ultimately taking over.

This is what I am praying the Lord changes in me through this study: my tendency to take over….take over God’s job, my husband’s job, my children’s job, etc. etc. Human “help” complicates God’s program. And I’ve been the source of that “help” far too often.

Lord, You are God. Not me. Please forgive the many times  I’ve tended to take over rather than coming to you. Help my unbelief. Thank you for continuing your work on me. Amen.

OOO! SHINY!! - Chapter 2

The world is full of shiny things begging for our attention. Here are a few things in my life that turned into controlling tangents that I had to LET GO!

(Disclaimer – many of these things are GOOD things, NOBLE things and in and of themselves are not destructive – but in my life, for this season, God showed me I needed to let them go.)

Facebook (we’ve been broken up for 5 years!)

Twitter

Instagram

Serving as my sorority’s chapter advisor

Being a member of my local Junior League

Serving as a small group Bible study leader

Being a Board member of a PTA

Working out obsessively

Being the social director for activities in our cul-de-sac

And ya know what……learning this week that there is a difference between a tool, a toy, and a tangent helped me to see that God cleared those things out of my life so that He could get my attention!

Side note: p. 39….

Tools are needed. – things that help us live life

Toys are permissible. – relieve stress, rejuvenate, etc.

Tangents trip us up. – activities, hobbies, people, or time-wasting habits that knock us off course for an hour….or a year!

I guess I’m just that hard-headed that it took all of that to get me to focus, but it’s true that with all of our choices, activities, instant information, status updates, news feeds, and alerts we get so distracted from hearing the One Voice we need to hear.

And now that I have heard His Voice and am trying to focus more on Him…..it’s amazing how I don’t miss any of those tangents that took up so much time. Most of them too (not all of them…) but most of them, had no eternal value either. Evaluating an activity or choice through the filter of eternal value has become of a plumb line in our family that helps us make decisions.

I’m sure there are other toys that are dangerously sneaking closer to becoming tangents in my life and I want to be aware of not making anything in my life a temptation that directs me off course from following Christ and His direction for our family.

So be encouraged if God is showing you a tangent! The Lord disciplines those He loves! You can break free from it and give it up for Him! Oh, the benefits are too numerous to count and I know from experiencing it myself that through releasing it God can change your life, your marriage and your family and it be all for His glory! 

bammer vs. braces

our sweet bammer got her braces on this morning.....and ended up getting a tooth pulled too....she is being such a trooper though and we can't wait to see her pearly whites when they come off!! either way you are beautiful to us bammer!! thank you for the milkshakes dr. watson!!!!! they were yummy!!